Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize