Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
