Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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