I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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