I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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