She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
