All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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