the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize