I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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