If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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