I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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