All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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