just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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