i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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