I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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