i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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