oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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