He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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