I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
