i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
