OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
