I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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