I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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