my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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