I faked an abortion last night.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
