Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
