he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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