He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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