you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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