I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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