4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize