I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
