He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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