Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sober January is a disaster.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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