Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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