i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
