you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
