I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....