Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry