I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice