His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.