I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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