And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He better not be in your backpack
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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