You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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