If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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