it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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