i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
