Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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