I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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