so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
