Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
