I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
