Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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